Open

The more I open, the deeper I can go.

(And yes, I'd like to stay all spiritual and prophetic here, but I will admit that my human mind still can't type that without giggling.)

I have joined the (free!) Yoga Journal 21-day challenge, which started today.  Yesterday, DEEP (part of the Fearless Painting workshops) began.  I have committed to immersing myself in both - allowing the exploration to be a cooperative journey involving my thoughts, my physical self, and my spirit.

In the 21-day challenge, we receive a daily email with links to information - including a video for the practice.  This morning, it was a 45-minute flowing practice which definitely got my heart rate up.

In Deep, we receive pools of information and inspiration amidst the private space that has been created.  Throughout the week, we get videos, discussions, and (of invaluable nature) community interaction.

In both, I do not know what to expect.  Each day I commit myself to the practice and then receive whatever instruction I am given.  I know certain days will be more challenging then others (like those days I just want to sleep in and then find myself crunched between a yoga practice and a scheduled meeting...feeling as though I need to sacrifice one or the other).

In the past, I've tended to inundate myself with class after class - waking up each morning with a plethora of things from which to choose.  In so doing, however, I didn't really experience any of them.  I would be drawing a face in a Suzi Blu class while listening to a podcast from NPR's "Being" as a journal page dried for an art journaling class.  Or I'd be doing on-the-mat yoga while my mind prioritized dropping off the car, playing with my daughter, preparing lunch, and figuring out the web site transfer.

This morning, after last night's soulful exploration from Deep and following the beautiful 45-minute practice, I took a few breaths.  It felt as though there were spaces that the breath was touching within me that hadn't felt that warm wind in years.

As we took the car to get the brakes repaired (*sigh*) and found white objects as part of "I Spy" with our daughter, everything felt just a little different.  I felt open to whatever was happening.

How can I explain this??  The words certainly don't suffice.  I can tell you that I did not get frustrated over things I normally would.  I can tell you I felt like listening when our daughter started in on a story where I usually zone out.  I can tell you that I chose a healthy smoothie for breakfast instead of the sugar-laden cereal I usually do.  And I can tell you that I didn't do any of this while logically thinking about it ("hmm.  I should listen.  I should eat healthy.").  It just happened.

Only experience can create and tell my story.  Words are the resulting consequences.  By opening and committing myself to the experience, the deeper the experience sank into me.  I opened myself to the process of Deep and to the mat practice this morning (even though I am quite sore from a recent workout and doing the yoga pushed back our schedule).

Because I did this, the potential of the practice went within and I've been able to carry it with me through the following hours.  I can't will this to happen.  No matter how much I logically understand it, no matter how much I believe that it will work, I will not receive the experience if I am not open to - and thus actually experiencing - it.

I invite you to open to your experience today - whatever it may be.  Don't judge ("yeah, this was a stupid idea...why did I do this again?") or push it away ("I really don't want to be here.").  Like the yoga pose with which I struggled this morning, I found that simply sinking into it - literally opening my chest and hips - allowed me to find a depth previously unknown.  It was a way of being (both in the pose and spiritually) that felt alive.  And that way of being - that openness, that depth, that ease - has stuck with me for the past few hours.

Open.

Namaste.

p.s. You can join me at the 21-day challenge for FREE here.  (Only do this if you feel ready to commit.  Otherwise, it is just one more "to-do".)  I will also be posting more about my process through Deep (including more photos) and updating you on the next time you can start on this journey as well!!

Why I Do What I Do

It is about who I want to be.

Who I am inside and who I portray outside.

Who I am when I interact with others, and how I feel about that.

What I do when no one is watching, and how I feel about that.

It is about my default mode.

The thoughts that pop in my head and direct me when I am unaware of them.

Where I turn after a long day.

What foods I grab when I'm starving.

It is about how I want to feel.

How deeply I feel or how numb I am to it all.

Where my smiles originate - my mouth or my heart.

How much I care about quality - not of my life, but of this moment.

It is about how connected and aware I am.

Whether you appear to me as a mirror or a stranger.

If I see in myself (and the weed) the alive spirit or laugh it off as New Age

How easily I sink into the muck of ignorance or swim in the river of awareness.

It is why I do everything I do.  It is why I return again and again to those things that are difficult.  It is why I stumble - then stay down for a rest or get up and keep going.  It is why I cannot go along with the training others accept, the way I've been told things "should be", the way that would make life much easier and more comfortable.

It is why I do everything I do.

And You?

Stop Ignoring Who We Are

I watched this today and have not gotten it out of my mind.  I'm thankful for that.

You may have already seen it as Mr. Williams and the positive messages that have spun from this are making their way through the online world.  I hesitate to throw in my opinions, but believing that all perspectives are valuable I offer the following:

I am astounded by his voice.  That is the "duh" part.  I could watch again and again just to see a human face connected with that voice.

But the part that stays with me goes beyond his voice deep into his humanity.  I could say some things about homelessness and the deep humanity of each person standing out there with a sign.  I could offer some viewpoints on our levels of comfort and discomfort as we are made aware of our individual choice to offer something to each person (or not).  I could comment on the nature of a society that allows homelessness, or personal responsibility, or.....

But I want you (and me) to take it even farther, deeper, broader.  Mr. Williams is a happy story of someone who took charge of his life ("clean" for 2 years) and who has an obvious talent.  His circumstances were sad and challenging, but the outcome is one with which we all breathe easier.  (On the notes on YouTube, it says he has offers pouring in.)

Can we remember, though, that every single person with whom we interact is just a miraculous as he?  Can we take this beautiful message into our hearts and then, though difficult, put it into practice?  When you pass by someone tomorrow, or see someone's face on the news or on the internet, when you interact with a cashier or waitress, can you see the fascinating stories that comprise that person?  Can you see the beauty (a talent, a drive, a perspective, ...) that they have to offer?

In a PBS document titled, "The Buddha" (available via NetFlix if you subscribe), one woman talks about the Buddha within all of us.  (Read this however you would like: Christ within all of us, the Goddess within us all, etc.)  She wonders what it would be like if we walked around, looking at everyone, acknowledging, "Buddha.  Buddha.  Buddha."

I have put this into practice - with a twist.  I like to think, "Human, Buddha.  Human, Buddha."  It reminds me that everyone is acting through pain, their struggles, their fears.  Every single person is human and scared, feeling trapped in some way, ignorant.  And yet everyone is, at their core, an absolute Buddha.  They are me.  (You are me.  Yep.)  We are infinitely wise.

May Mr. Williams celebrate his continuing journey.  May we celebrate with him.  May each of us find our own talents, our own wisdom - within ourselves and within each other.


It is time to stop ignoring who we are.


Namaste.


For another valuable perspective on this story, you can also visit this post on The Buddhist Blog:
http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/ted-williams-golden-voice-pays-off.html

Spiritual Workout

First, thank you to all who checked in with me yesterday.  The lipstick, braid, and smile all made things go smoothly.

The CT Scan was looking at my abdomen (for a hernia, but that word just sounds so annoyingly silly).  I received a call from a nurse at my dr.'s office yesterday afternoon saying the test was "negative", which makes no sense.  (I have a hernia...um, "hole"...that wasn't in question.  The expensive test was done to determine the extent and if surgery is recommended.)  I'll have to follow up tomorrow when my doctor is back in.

***

Today I woke up with a strong desire to be...well, ...strong.  I ended up doing a strength training/cardio split (time with weights, time on elliptical, time with weights, etc.).  Immediately after that, as part of DEEP (the 2nd part of the Fearless Painting adventure which I am SO SO thrilled to be a part of), I started to paint.

The point is that I did all of this to music - to the soundtrack for Avatar to be specific.  If you are familiar with that music, you know it isn't necessarily fast paced.  (I usually do my workouts to fast-paced, jammin' music to keep me motivated.)  This morning, though, I was pursuing strength at all levels.

This music strengthened my body and my soul.  They moved together.  Each lift of the weight I was reminded that the breath I was taking in, that was bathing my muscles, is of the same source that keeps you alive.  

Generally during workouts or even painting, I'm tempted to focus on what isn't working.  ("Argh, how much longer on this machine???"   "Damn that paint blob - the whole thing is ruined."  "I can't believe I'm so out of shape and so out of practice....this is pathetic.")  These thoughts flutter in and out.  When my energy is high and the music pumpin', I usually bite back at them.  I force them away with anger.  It may work temporarily, but anger never solves anything permanently.

This morning, the music was the guiding force that kept my awareness focused.  The thoughts were still there, but they became just a step in the dance that continued between my body, my mind, my soul, spirit, and smile.  I had a spiritual workout.

I feel quite aware now.  Not joyously happy or overly energetic, just aware.

If you are in a position to do so, pop on a song that makes you feel peacefully aware.  It doesn't matter what it is, the tempo, the genre...just let it guide you to a place of peace.  If only for a few minutes, let yourself be there.

If you don't have one, please share mine from this morning:



And actually...I'm quite aware that I'm hungry right now.  Off I go....

Namaste.

What I'm Wearing To My CT Scan

In about 10 minutes I will leave for my CT Scan.  Nothing serious, but something I need to get addressed.

I'm not nervous.  I get to lie back down and have my picture taken.  If they find something, I will be at ease knowing I can get it addressed (and didn't live on as it got worse).  If they find nothing, I will be at ease knowing I am well.  Note the underlying trend.

I do want to share with you what I'm wearing to the hospital.  It's more important than you might think.

1) Red(ish) Lipstick.  This is in honor of the Red Lipstick Revolution started by Amy Palko.  My base chakra and I are walking into today empowered.

2)  A Smile.  While I do this quite frequently anyway, I'm putting special effort into doing so today.  I received a group email not long ago.  Part of it said:

"Do not underestimate the power of your happiness.  You (yes, specifically you) have the power to change this world.  You take this power everywhere you go, so you might as well use it.  If you are at the gym, the bank, the grocery store, the doctor, the movies, the accountant, the park, the mall, or my favorite - Target, you come equipped with the power to dramatically impact the world.  Notice the people whose paths you cross.  Whether you speak or not, just smile.  In just one smile you can communicate that he matters, and that she matters." (Michelle O'Mara)


I always feel more connected to those who can offer at least a smile.  It is as though my heart is speaking to theirs without any words needing to be said.


3)  My braid.  I fell in love with a Native American man I heard talk a few years ago.  He discussed many different significances of the braid, including it serving as a reminder of the intertwining, interconnected nature.  What better to be reminded of during the day?


And yes, for you cheeky monkeys out there, I will also be wearing clothes.  


I'm running late, so off I jaunt....and sorry, no photos just yet.


May you wear what serves your spirit today.

A.M. Discomfort

Ugh.  First day back to school.

I am not a morning person.  Trying to wake my two children up to get one on the bus when I can barely function myself is quite difficult - particularly when we are out of habit.

This morning I snoozed through many alarms and got us up just in time to leisurely rush through breakfast, dressing, and teeth brushing.  I snuck in about 5 minutes of yoga on the mat, if for no other reason than to lessen the creaks and moans that were coming from my joints.  (For you youngin's out there - yeah.  It happens.  It'll happen to you too.)

And wouldn't you know it - with only 5 minutes on the mat, I still picked up something.  I chose to do a few seated wide-leg stretches and head-to-knee poses to stretch myself (physically & mentally).  I'm really tight in hamstrings, psoas, etc. - as in I can bend maybe 5 degrees forward with a straight back when in seated forward bend.  So when in these poses, I am completely aware of my limits.  And I play with the discomfort.


How many times do you find yourself uncomfortable and move to get yourself out of it?  If you do yoga, think about those poses you dread.  If you do or don't practice yoga, think about an upcoming uncomfortable meeting with someone (friend or business), an encounter with someone asking for money, a medical appointment you've been avoiding.  How often do you start to feel the tension and back away?  Or perhaps you fight through tension, pushing and pushing yourself until something or someone (usually yourself) gets hurt.  (I can ask both of these because in both scenarios, I've been there, done that - repeatedly.)

I do some poses now where I can feel those belly rolls.  Now THAT is uncomfortable.  I am made aware that they are there, that this is now who I am.  95% of you reading this will completely understand the anxiety that comes with being forced to face body issues.

And yet, if I backed away from the poses where I felt my fat and experienced discomfort* in the back of my legs, I would be cheating myself out of the entire purpose of yoga.  I would be moving away from bodily awareness, awareness of my thoughts and reactions to those, awareness and acknowledgement of what is.

(*Please note: I use discomfort, not pain.  If you are feeling pain, it is usually a sign to back off.  Not going far enough or going too far in any situation can cause harm.)

It is why I practice yoga.  Why I practice awareness.  Why day in and day out, I challenge myself to be aware and non-judgmental of my own body, my own thoughts, and those of others.  I work to change what I can (note to self: no donuts for breakfast today) without judging it as bad.

I offer you my sincere wishes for a fruitful practice for you today, tomorrow, and each forthcoming day - whether that occurs on the mat in an asana or off the mat when the alarm goes off and everything but another snooze is extreme discomfort.

We'll practice, make mistakes, succeed, .... and repeat it all .... together.

Namaste.

Mind Full

I woke this morning intent on doing my on-the-mat yoga.  In the midst of this, my daughter, son, and husband all woke up.

My practice quickly turned from a blissful flow with the breath to a struggle to maintain focus and physical balance while the kids ran around me.  (The latter still being a practice.)

I heard my son in the other room saying to my daughter, "come on in!".

And I took his advice.  I came into my own body, my own mind.  And I realized there was very little room left for me to enter.  It was crammed!

Thoughts raced of what the kids might be doing in the other room, what I was going to have for breakfast, what the dust bunny on the floor beside me wanted to tell me, and even how I was going to blog about this.  Truly, my mind was very full.

So when I tried to find my toes, feel the breath within me, make what I was doing a practice of embodiment and awareness instead of just a few stretches on the mat, it was a struggle.  My mind was full - just not of the emptiness I wanted it to be full of.

Today - right now, as you read this, wherever you are - what fills your mind?

Remember: You have a choice - in fact, a responsibility - to be mindful of what fills your mind.

Namaste.