Teaching Myself Yoga

I know I've written some on this, but decided to expand as the idea is quite upfront in my life right now.

I am trying to Be my yoga teaching instead of just adding yoga teaching to my life. Immediately after graduating I rushed to do everything I could - start a website, locate studio space, research possible teaching positions...and although I do and will always love yoga, the process felt dry and forced. Though I know laundry and dishes can wait...they can only wait so long. And amidst this rush to start my "yoga teaching", the rest of my life fell by the wayside. Coming home to laundry piles that took me days to finish was a wake-up call.

Right now, I am trying to live the messages I preach - that yoga can be integrated into the smallest moments. I want to radiate that message. If I don't live it, my teachings in a studio or workshop will be empty. So I am trying to back off on adding yoga teaching to my life (workshops, classes, etc) and instead letting it unfold organically. I plan to teach friends, family, and others who contact me on a private basis and let the rest of my time be dedicated to coming to know and share yoga through dialogue and my own day-to-day life. I owe it to myself and my family to honor the blessings I have been given.

I still struggle, though. I constantly fight the messages running through my head that I'm giving up on my "dreams", that I'm sacrificing my career, that I can do this home stuff, watch the kids, and make money at yoga if I really wanted it, that ...that I'm wimping out.

But I know deep down that these things are ego talking - that it is other peoples' voices I'm hearing, not my own.

Others may argue I'm wimping out of a career and putting myself in jeopardy if I ever need to earn income. I say I'm actually choosing the harder path by trying to be present in my own life and not fill up my calendar to escape those issues that come up in the quiet moments of sitting with the kids. I say that I'm well aware of financial jeopardy, that we live paycheck to paycheck, that no job is safe in today's enconomy....but I would rather move into a one-bedroom apartment if we had to and give up most of our possessions than sacrifice time with my kids, my husband, and myself to work solely for a second income. I am well aware I am blessed to be able to make this choice and meditate on my gratitude everyday.

I could go on with the arguments in my head ("others may say..."), but honestly, it is draining. I'm tired of justifying (mainly to myself!!) the decisions I choose, the life path I follow. This is where I am and I am happy being here. Allow me to continue to teach myself yoga so that when we meet, I may possibly teach you and may be open to what you will teach me. Namaste.