Our First Event - a 5K!

I've been completely neglectful about updating on my working out/triathlon training schedule but never fear - I haven't stopped!

First and foremost: This weekend, hubby and I officially committed (i.e. dropped the moola for) our first ever "event" - a 5K to be held this upcoming Saturday (7th) in lovely Bloomington, IN! We both signed up for the run, but it is also a walk/run event so no pressures in case we stumble over ourselves. It is THRILLING to be thinking about this. Part of me now considers 3.1 miles to be minimal (already striving for that half marathon), but the other part of me recognizes that probably 3 months ago I would have NEVER thought I could complete such an event.

Needless to say, that has been quite a motivator. So, thankfully, has my hubby. He has remained more committed to this path than I ever thought possible and challenges me to do the same.

I can't remember all that I've done since I last recorded events, but here's an attempt (if only for my own record keeping!):

What I Did:

(Tues a.m.) 5 mile leisure bike ride (with a friend, trying out pulling a trailer with Dilana in it)
(Wed a.m.) 20 minutes swimming (forgot my socks so no running!)
(Thurs) (I forget!)
(Fri a.m.) 20 minutes swimming + 32 minutes running on treadmill
(Sat a.m.) 36 minutes running (my first full run for 3 miles! level ground)
(Sun a.m.) light bit of yoga and rest
(Mon a.m.) 30 minutes running (including 2 minutes walking - went on nasty hills through our neighborhood)

What I Learned:

* I could very easily fall in love with biking. Going out with my friend/neighbor was my first attempt riding the bike "just for fun". It was challenging learning how to pull the trailer but easier than I thought it would be! It was so fun to just ride without thinking of how fast I was going.

* When packing for the YMCA, remember socks. Very important.

* I have a long way to go in order to be prepared for the triathlon. It truly is encouraging to KNOW that I will make it there. The swimming / running combo (even with break in between to change) totally drained Chris and I for the day.

* I got totally discouraged on Wednesday after swimming. For the first time, the thought "maybe I can't do this" popped into my head. Seriously, I couldn't (and still can't) swim one full lap (one end of the pool to the next and then back again) freestyle. But when we went back on Friday, hubby and I just got right back in and tried again. I have bumped up my research on swimming techniques and plan to up my upper body strength training. I'm not sure where my weaknesses are and how to fix them, but I am determined to find out. I will get back into the pool again and again until I have this figured out. Then - open water.

It's like the song we sing with the kids when trying to clean up, "Step-by-step, piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit, we get the job done."

* I can totally run for 3.1 miles on level ground! Whoo hoo!

* I can totally not run for 3.1 miles on massive hills. I figured I'm at a pace of around 12-minutes / mile on level ground (not a great pace but at least I know where I'm starting...) and was aiming for that in our neighborhood. I had estimated my distance throughout the run, but decided to make my halfway mark at 16 minutes instead of 20. So I ran/walked for 32 minutes...and when calculating the mileage, found out I only did around 2.6 miles. Heck, I'm just proud I didn't toss my breakfast into someone's yard.

* This is becoming who I am. Only a few short months ago, I would swear up and down that I wasn't a runner. A triathlon??? Great for ya', but not my thing. One little decision to try - just try - and suddenly I'm complaining that I could only run for 2.6 miles.

Yesterday evening (Sunday), I had made up my mind that I was going to run before an 8:30 a.m. meeting with the principal at my son's school. (PTO stuff - not kid troubles, thankfully) Originally I was totally pumped to run to the school and have hubby pick me up after the meeting. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out a way where I wouldn't totally offend the principal with my I-just-ran Stink and how to carry the papers & deodorant I needed with me. But NO EXCUSES - I just got up at 6:30 and ran through the neighborhood. (We'd also planned to go to the YMCA for swimming after, but hubby volunteered to take care of the lawn...of which he did nearly 3 hours of using the leaf-blower today. Who am I to turn him down when he wants to do chores??)

I did it. I may not run the whole 5K this weekend if the hills are as massive as around here. I may not figure out the whole breathing / freestyle thing as quickly as I'd like. But I'm doing it, I am becoming the person who RUNS, BIKES, and (almost) swims. Together we are setting a great example for the kids.

Step-by-step, piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit, we'll get the job done.
Together.

Ways of Being

I have long believed that we are all everyone else. You are a mother, a father, a child. You are an artist, a triathlete, a CEO, a success. You are a murderer, a lier, a cheater, a failure. You are these things because the seed of being each of these lies within you, whether or not you have made decisions that fully brought you into these roles.

I am willing to admit that you may not actively be a murderer (ok, I really hope not) - but just try and overlook the potential vs. actual for a moment. Imagine with me that because you have the capability to be any of these things, you are. What does that do to your sense of self? (If you think that you couldn't possibly be a certain label, play a certain role, I challenge you to think of a situation in which you could. I bet you can think of at least one.)

Because we often get stuck in our worldviews (i.e. how we view our world, framing every decision we make, determining how we handle ourselves and others), trying on someone else's can be a deep learning experience. I'm sure you've heard the countless methods suggesting just being something to become it, just thinking something is so and it will be. There are truths behind these methods.

Why not take the fear out of it, though, and play? Play with being. You can be this way on your own, around others (make it a priority first to avoid harming, though)...for a minute or a day. Then just go back to being who you were. Notice how you felt being that way. Realize that during that time, you were that person. Take a minute to let it sink in that you can be that person again...or anyone else you choose. Pick a role. Play. Be aware. Be.

Be brave.

Be a goddess / god.

Be a CEO.

Be an artist.

Be lazy.

Be AWARE.

Be.

My Backyard

I often forget that while we can all feel quite cozy here in the blog world, when we turn off the computer we may be hundreds or thousands of miles apart. When you open your door, the world you see might be quite different from my own.

Right now in southern Indiana we are quite blessed to be experiencing a gorgeous fall. Here are some photos from my "back yard".

(Brown County State Park, about 20 minutes from my home. My "home away from home")

(My actual back yard. Taken before most of the leaves fell. I'll add another photo soon of what it looks like now. It literally takes DAYS to clean up all of the leaves.)

The Whole Picture

I am constantly amazed by the things I don't know. Sometimes I'm as giddy as a kid on a field trip. Other times, I'm saddened by all of the opportunities for learning that I didn't seize earlier on in life. Regardless, the world is a wide, amazing place. It sounds trite, but try understanding it in your own terms. (More on this later.)

I started another blog quite awhile ago, Live Awake, that has sadly been neglected. The entire concept was sharing things that inspired me, made me realize all there is out there. From a documentary by Michael J Fox to information on a foreign country (and their focus on Gross National Happiness instead of Gross National Product!) to creative folk I discovered online, I'm coming to learn that all the answers we ever need really are out there (and thus, within!!). We just have to get out of our own way to discover them.

It may seem like one of those luxuries "for people who have time" to explore the world around them. Learning about other cultures, discovering resources across the world or in one's own neighborhood, indulging in a rare type of food - exotic, no? But the more I discover, the more I realize that it is just this type of exploration that brings awareness & juiciness to one's own daily grind and offers opportunities to overcome challenges.

A random and specific example: I'm an avid reader. I could easily go broke in one afternoon at Borders, so I'm always looking for bargins on books, magazines, etc. I enjoy sharing this passion with my children. I was just reading a pamphlet I picked up (for free) at my son's school on "Kindergartners Learn To Read". It mentioned a checklist of valuable techniques to use, then stated that "This checklist is adapted from (a book)...Get a FREE copy at www.nifl.gov". A free book? Yippee!

Regardless of whether or not you enjoy reading or whether or not you have kids, the point is that there are billions of people out there with trillions of ideas. These ideas have culminated in actions, which many times end up as organizations, businesses, corporations, not-for-profits, world-wide charities, or your neighborhood mom-and-pop shop. There are people out there who have experienced challenges just like you have (really!) and found or created a solution, had passions and made something of them. They did the work. All you have to do is connect.

Be open to new sources. I went to a local Red Cross book fair and picked up a magazine called "HOW" that looked cool (but was focused on design which isn't my field). Lo and behold it is all about creativity (!) and although some of the techniques aren't my forte, I have already found some astonishing messages to inspire me in my own work. (Check out their website at : http://www.howdesign.com/GeneralMenu/ or blog at http://blog.howdesign.com/) (I love the current halloween costume idea!)

Realize that the world around you is VAST. There are people, cultures, histories, futures, dreams, practicalities, organizations, blogs, web sites, t.v. shows, movies, books, lands, ...all stories being shared right now. They are as relevant to your own life, your own job, your own daily stories as you allow them to be. Stay disconnected and your life will remain that way. Reach out, listen to a few stories, and realize that every single second of your life is a wide array of stories webbed all around you. Go ahead, tug on a string or two.

Who knows where your life may go?

To What Are You Consenting?

IMPORTANT UPDATE FOLLOWING original POST (10:30 p.m. EST)

I just read an article while mindlessly browsing online that stated that Paul Haggis (director of "Crash") quit Scientology after, I believe, 32 years as a follower. He did so because of their stance against gay marriage. He had written a letter to the "head" of Scientology and, after being promised the issue would be looked into, received no response. While I have my opinions on all of the former, it is not that about which I was most interested. It is Mr. Haggis' response in a letter to the head of Scientology that I found most fascinating. In it, he stated,

"Silence is consent".

I kept reading after that, but the phrase stuck with me. It seems to touch something that has been simmering within me for years - something that sometimes bubbles up but usually stays quite calm. Silence is consent.

First, let me note that I am not an "activist" per se for anything. While I firmly believe in some issues, I have found in the past that joining groups that promote an idea tend to be judgemental against those opposed to that idea. Even if it is with the best intentions that these particular activists enter into their wars, they are fights nonetheless. It is a slippery slope towards promoting ones own beliefs to judging anothers'. From here, the "you/me", "us/them", "right/wrong", "good/bad" divide just grows...and divisions, hatred, and wars arise. I will continue to share that in which I believe (when asked and sometimes spontaneously) but not at the expense of harming another. (Whole other blog post being tapped into here.)

Back to the original idea. Silence is consent. This blog has allowed me an avenue to share those ideas on which I usually remain silent...mainly because there's nobody listening. (I'm not going to share my deep fears of getting water up my nose with the cashier at the groccery....my milk might spoil in the time it takes to flesh out the conversation.) Yet there are passions within me that pop up in the form of one-sentence thoughts as I'm drifting off to sleep (e.g. life is all a cycle, all of us express it in a micro and macrocosm...yeah, try falling asleep while thinking about THAT), take form through creative work, and find their way into the methods which with I raise my kids. I bring them to my yoga mat and during my runs and every once in awhile am fortunate enough to discuss them with dear friends.

Yet the rest of my life is so filled with noise that those passions - me, the unique embodiment of messages I am here to share, the thread I am supposed to weave through our quilt of time - remain silent.

I play with the volume probably more often than some. Through meditation, random thoughts in the car, journaling, etc. I find ways to turn up my shiny thoughts and ways to sometimes radiate those into action. I turn down the shoulds, the commercials, the expectations and enjoy the harmony of what is.

Far too often I consent to a life I don't want. Don't get me wrong - my individual life is pretty swell. I am fortunate in so many ways, blessed with love beyond my greatest expectations. But because I have those blessings (good health, food on my plate every day, shelter, money, ...) it is my responsibility to not ignore the fire that burns within me, those messages that cry out to be heard and spoken, the life that is mine to live.

I often realize that by not "speaking up" (from the small things like ignoring a piece of trash instead of picking it up to the bigger things like sharing my feelings (in a KIND manner) when someone speaks in a derogatory manner about another) I am not only doing myself a disservice but YOU as well. I have been oh-so-blessed to know, deep down, the beauty that I am (and thus, that humanity and all of life is). If I don't acknowledge that, live it, radiate it through every decision, I keep those around me in darkness as well. Only I can share what is in my heart (that which is unique to my being)...if I consent to living a life afraid of doing so, it will never (NEVER) be heard.

Day after day, choice after choice I will continue to examine this. Whether "speaking up" for my heart requires silence or kind words, action or inacation, I hope to deliberately choose (and simultaneously release into) my own life.

It may be painful to realize, but to what are you consenting? Deep breaths, small steps, and a smile...together we'll find our voice.

*UPDATE*: Even thought this kind of ruins the beautiful ending to this blog, I have to post - you know when you think about something you said and realize that it sounds WAY different in hindsight?? I shared this post on Facebook with the update "Silence is Consent". When I went back tonight and looked at it, ALARM BELLS & big ole' red flags went up.

To anyone who read this post and realized to what I am referring, I am so sorry. To those who didn't, let me clarify: In ANY type of intimate/sexual situation, SILENCE IS NOT CONSENT. I shudder to think of the severity of the meaning opposite the one I intended.

Overwhelmed!

Where to start? About what to blog? What do I create? What workout do I do? What should the kids and I do on a brisk, rainy fall evening? What do I make a priority - updating my poor, neglected photo site, writing a blog, cleaning the quickly-cluttering house, chatting with friends I've missed, ...

Ok, I'm seriously so distracted right now that typing that last bit caused me to dash away from this blog looking for a phone number for a friend I need to call (no luck finding it 30 minutes later...perhaps house cleaning should take priority?!).

It is frustrating when nothing gets accomplished because I don't know where to start. I've always found progression when I start somewhere (anywhere!) but recently, even somewhere seems to be off my map.

It's not that I don't have anything about which to blog - just that I have too much and typing about one subject makes me feel as though I'm neglecting the rest (perhaps a more important idea!).

It's not that I don't have anything to create - it's that when I sit down, without an idea for direction and amidst a rather messy creation station I find myself staring blankly at all the cool tools in front of me.

It's the same for everything else...cleaning, activities, etc. Unfortunately this swirl has been going on for about a week or so and shows no signs of slowing down. I'm thankful for having choices and that keeps me in a (semi-)balanced mood.

So I'm using today's blog as a dumping ground - starting somewhere by typing something, not knowing if it really makes any sense. I share because I'd guess that at some point you may have been here, wandering in the forests of ToDo's, not even sure which path (if any) lead to a clearing. If I find you in here with me, perhaps we can sit for a minute and swap stories. Perhaps by so doing, we'll each be able to stand up, take a breath, and continue on our ways.

*sigh*

Working On Working Out

I did drop off for a bit before and during the Bridge Day trip. But I'm right back into it now. I post this for those who may be struggling with me to maintain a workout routine and/or train for next summer.

What I Did:

Monday (a.m.): Ran 30 minutes (~2.5 miles?)
Tuesday (a.m.): Superset & some core-strengthening exercises (~30 minutes total)

What I Learned:

*Pain is a great deal in the mind. I had a huge blister (ewww, I know) from Bridge Day. I was feeling quite off from not working out for a few days, however, and knew I wanted to do something Monday morning. So I decided it wouldn't hurt that much, applied padding & bandages, and off I went. You know what? It didn't hurt during the run! (I'm still baby-ing it right now to make sure it doesn't get worse.)

*Breaks from working out need to be moderated just as much as working out. Obviously it is smart to take a day off a week and to listen to one's body and not overdo it. But taking too much time off can make it soooo hard to start back up again.

*There is a difference between an excuse and a reason. And only YOU can determine which is which. It may even change over time! Cold weather may be a valid reason for not working out at one point. But with the proper dress & know how, cold weather may be an excuse for not working out. I'm constantly playing with my boundaries with this (was Bridge Day trip an excuse for not working out or a reason?). It is important, if you are in this process as well, to not let anyone else determine for you what is an excuse and a reason. Listen to your body, your intuition, become knowledgeable about your composition and what exercise can do to you (both beneficial and harmful). Do what you need to do based off your reasons, but try hard not to make excuses.

Back to my sick kiddo....