Thursday, October 21, 2010

Become Aware With Me

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have beccome shriveled and closed 
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
If you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

Portions taken From The Invitation By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

My fire burns brightly these days.

Part of honoring that; respecting that; ensuring that it doesn't fade back to a dull, whispered glow is tending it. I have to sit close enough to it...sometimes even within ensure it does not die out.

It is painful.  It hurts not only to deal with those things that I've previously had the luxury to ignore but to be with the awareness of when I don't.

You see, when I become aware of something, I cannot become unaware of it.  I can choose to not deal with it but I am then conscious of my choice....that I chose to ignore it.

I am making a choice to sit with this fire because I cannot imagine any other way to live.  To walk away, to let this fire fizzle out, would be to choose death.

Dramatic as it may seem, do you not feel that painful, gripping slumber that arises when you step away from your passions, your life?  Like a game of "hot" and "cold", each time a single step is taken away from that which calls to your being, the spirit & the body grow a little colder.

I want to take the steps in my life and constantly hear "hot, hot, hot"!  (If you don't know the game, I don't mean hollers from construction workers as I pass by.  Though to be honest, I wouldn't be pissed to receive those.)  If I cannot hear the calls, I want to stop - to rest - to just listen until I find my direction again.

It is this rest that I find myself right now.  I am resting so close to the fire that the smoke burns in my nostrils.  The flames crackle out....

You don't really want a "business".  You just want to connect with other people.  Why are you wasting your time with all of this stuff?

You suck at being vulnerable.  You always have to seem strong.  You aren't going to get anywhere without the support of others yet when it comes down to the core you refuse to do it unless you can do it on your own.

Like anything else, I could ignore it.  I could walk away.  But I must let the tears fall and breathe through the gnawing in my gut and LIVE.  Because that is who I am.  Truly, I cannot live any other way.  Once the fires burn away the crap that keeps me from knowing myself, I will find the answers to those questions above.  I will move forward, stronger, to the next fire.

More and more, I hear the crackling of your fires as well.  Some are roaring, some barely provide enough heat to warm a fly.  And yet if I am going to be able to sit with mine you have to show me how you can sit with yours.

Because we really aren't alone in this.

THIS, beautiful souls, THIS is where I am.  This is where LifeUnity is going.  I am aware of this life, the heat, the cold, the pains, and the elations.  I'm learning to sit with my own fire and dance with the tribal beats and clapping hands.

I am creating my home, my thoughts, my art, my body, my life, my dance.  
I want you to do the same.  

At the very least, I want to lead you into awareness of this, to help you live.  The newsletter, the website, it is all just another clap, a drum beat so you can hear the rhythm, feel the rhythm, become aware and Dance.

Do you hear it?

Tell me - right now - one thing that drum beat says to you.


  1. it says to create and to not be afraid of the consequences

  2. Ah, the fire and those dancing flames!
    I feel so many hands right now trying to drag me away... to look at their own fires and to tend to them too .... to breathe on their newly burning embers and help them to burn fiercely as well. I feel so torn... if I leave mine which I have nursed so tenderly these past few weeks, will its bright embers fade and begin to die before it even has a chance to truly rise up and roar fiercely?
    So here am, desperately flitting between fires: my own and those of others. Will I become resentful, I wonder? Will I eventually resign myself to the fact that my own fire was never meant to be... was never actually worth tending in the first place?
    But, yes... I do hear that drum beat.... my feet begin to tap, my body to move... my fire, though still a small and fragile thing, is worthy of life. I pause now... breathing softly on those tiny flames, watching them catch on the tinder of my life, the sparks, the smoke stinging my eyes, and the heat... Oh, how I long for the dance to begin!

  3. One thing I'm hearing is: Less planning - more DOING!

    I'm celebrating your fire and bringing some twigs to help keep it going. :)

  4. My drum beat says "Stay open to your tribe. Do not shut down. Risk. Find the people you're safe with and bless the others with wishes for healing. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop."

  5. "shrinking back is not an option" "time is short"
    "go 4 it; all of it!" loved the "YaYa Sisterhood" relationships; it is all worth the risk to be vulnerable although like you i don't have it all down but moving forward. let's go together bc i'm adding my huge log roll not to smother it out but to keep it burning even longer.

  6. love this drum beat just pushes me on and says you have to be strong, you can do this...don't wish ife and time may not get better, so relish the life you have, sicknesses and all...don't see life through the illness....just see life....and th people in your life...

  7. i hear your drum beat loudly and clearly, and it's beatiful and touches me deeply, keep going!!!

    my drum beat says, YES, you found me!!!!
    relax into that, it's always been here, it's not going anywhere, savor this newness, take your time, let it unfold, don't do what others say to do, LISTEN to your own drum, the answers come from there, inside, not outside. trust!

  8. Mine is SCREAMING "you MUST learn to create boundaries so you can devote time and focus and LOVE and energy into the things you NEED to be doing."