(*Ok, I give up. I was going to record myself reading this blog post as it is a bit long...however, I've spent nearly an hour trying to figure out why my recording device isn't working on my computer. Time to just let go...and get my daughter her SunnyD. Maybe next time...)
This is what I spent hours yesterday doing...and will continue doing today.
I have dozens of photos and documents that I've collected of my family / ancestry and I'm trying to scan it all in. I want to preserve them but also want a format in which I can easily share these treasures with other family members.
I have had these for quite some time and always found myself with "something else" to do. As a "stay-at-home-mother" (grrr....still don't like that term), I am constantly faced with "something else" to do....and yet nothing to do at the same time. I have no deadlines, but I have a constant whining presence if lunch isn't made on time. I have no boss looking over my shoulder but I do have constant little one(s) hanging on my legs. I have no job-breaking decisions to make, but I do get to decide how much game & t.v. time the kids get, what we eat, how clean the house stays, and what gets discussed over the dinner table.
The point is, there is always something to do. For all of us. I consider myself unbelievably fortunate to feel as though I have a say in the matter. And yet, with that fortune comes great responsibility.
I am challenged with researching and fleshing out our ancestry (including all of the stories that help us understand who we are and thus, how we teach future "us-es") because no one else has the time.
I am challenged with deciding how I answer my children's questions about kissing and death and God because my husband is working to pay for the home in which we answer those questions.
I am challenged with maintaining my own health (yoga, working out, diet, creativity, self-awareness, etc.) so I have the energy to do all of this while prompting the others to make healthy decisions (including the hubby!)...because they can't (or won't) maintain awareness beyond momentary satisfaction (which usually leads to snacking on chips in front of the t.v.).
As with the family photos, I don't have to do any of this. I could be further developing a website, putting our youngest in childcare to get a job and pay down our debt, or simply sitting in front of the t.v. all day. It is what it is. Therein lies both the simplicity and the mind-blowing complexity.
How do I decide what to do with my minutes? How do any of us? We may feel we "have" to do something or other, but I guarantee that those have to's aren't really HAVE-to's. (If you were in a coma tomorrow, the world would go on without that article that you HAD to get done. If you lost your source of income tomorrow, there are ways around those bills that HAD to be paid. If you found yourself with a life-threatening disease, those last few pounds that you HAD to lose suddenly wouldn't matter a bit.)
It shouldn't take a tragedy to awaken us to the choices we have in life.
It isn't wrong to push towards getting that article done or getting your bills paid on time or keeping your body as healthy as it can be. It isn't wrong to spend my hours working on family photos or blogging or playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos with my daughter. (Yep. Did that this morning.)
I believe it is "wrong" (though I shy away from that word) to do any of these things without awareness of why we are doing them. And I'm not just talking about the surface things, as "I'm working to pay the bills", or "I'm scanning pictures to preserve them". I'm talking about the deeper why, the one we generally ignore because we "don't have time to think about that sort of stuff".
My answer is that I feel constantly called to journey with others towards awareness. Awareness of what was, what could be, and most importantly, what is. Awareness of the body and all those squishy inner things we often ignore, awareness of the mind and how freakin' bouncy it is, awareness of how it all works together. Awareness of other people existing right now, doing things right now, believing things, feeling things...trying to sort it out just like me.
But that's MY answer. I'm interested in yours. What are you going to do what you do when you finish reading this?