I Am A Road Warrior.

Road Warrior: (n) A person who fights to make peace with the road and ultimately, the entire path they are on.

On my run this morning, this role was revealed to me. As cars sped past, wind in my face and at my back, feet meeting the pavement to move me one more step, the thought came. It was as though it was a revelation, a remembering of who I am. It was amazing.

We lay down the road and take our cars and drive right over her. We carve a path into the earth that allows us to move where we choose. Like a mother adjusting for her kids, the earth complies. Yet like spoiled children, we forget to thank her. We go farther, faster in our cars, thinking not of the earth speeding past us under our tires but of the person driving to slow in front of us or the idiot tailgating us or whether we will make the green light or lamenting the traffic jam ahead.

Today, as my feet met the road, I again remembered her.

I come as an enemy, fighting to conquer hills, avoid potholes, still get farther - faster.

Yet as with any war, the ultimate goal is peace.

I aim to become friends with the road, to let my body do what it naturally wants to do - move in harmony with the earth. Today, on a final hill during my run, I experienced a brief taste of this relationship. The earth carried me as my mind stopped its complaining, its fighting...the wind was blowing against me but somehow supporting me, the ground meeting my screaming legs but somehow lifting me through each and every step.

Next time I am in my car, I will remember the road. I will be again on the side of the enemy, yet far more familiar with my opponent. I will thank her for what she provides - a path. A path for me to travel, to move, to become more familiar with the earth...and with myself.

I hope and pray that each person has the chance to experience this, to remember the path themselves, to give other road warriors the chance to find their own peace (by slowing down and moving over when speeding past in a car!), and to hopefully travel into harmony as well.

A smile still rests on my face as I remember: I am a road warrior.

Recommitting. Again.

My dear blog friends,

I deeply apologize. I made a promise to keep this blog going, to provide you with information and insights, and I have let not only you, but myself down as well.

I have my excuses. But they are not reasons, so I will not bore you with them. Suffice to say I had access to a computer, at least 10 minutes to type every day, but failed to do so.

So again, I recommit to this blog - to you and to myself. It seems my devotion to writing every day during the previous month provided motivation for me to do it...regardless of how I was feeling. So I am committing to writing every weekday for the rest of the month and, if all goes well, every weekday after that. (Holidays excluded, though I may still try to sneak away on Thanksgiving for a post-race update!!)

I also want to share information in a beautiful format. So I'm committing to myself now to research blog designs, technical how-to's, and to implementing those things I've learned.

Because life has gone on even though my blog went to sleep, I'm anxious to share what has been happening.

On the Creative Front:

Ah, this ship has been hitting some open waters and sailing hard and far, my friends. I have my cricut, my light box, my embossing & stamping tools, and reasons to use them.

My husband recently lamented his loss of me...poor man.

I'll write more on my inner awakenings in another blog, but here's a peak at some of the projects I've been working on:

An inspiration page.

Larger flowers are part of the paper, cricut & markers made the bottom row, some fabric flowers, eyelets, and my crop-a-dile made the embellishment flowers, and the beautiful sentiment was stamped in gold.

The background of a Chrismas card, incorporating stamps, dry embossing, and markers.

A close-up showing the dry-embossing (the raised border on the side). I love dry embossing!

On the Workout / Training Front:

I took two days off in a row and felt so icky about it. Of course, with the 4.5 mile race quickly approaching, I knew I had to get right back into running.

My dear husband had driven a route around our house, saying it was somewhere around 4.5-5 miles but quite hilly. I've driven it several times but as any road traveller (biker, runner, walker, etc) knows, hills are defined differently when in the car vs. on the road. My lack of appreciation for "hills" caught up with me when I attempted this run.

I drove the distance again when I was done and I believe it was right around 4.6 miles. My time? It averaged out to about an 11:25 minute / mile pace. (versus the 10:38 minute / mile pace I had in the 5k) I walked a few times though I did tackle a few hills I didn't expect to. The last few long hills were painful even to walk.

Today was a day of rest. (Appropriate for a Sunday, no?)

Tomorrow, I will again tackle the distance, but have charted a more level course from our home. (Nasty hills to get out of the neighborhood, but ok from there.)

Again, I reiterate: Hills are my teachers. Level ground is my friend. I simply have to keep appreciating both.


Anything to which you are struggling with commitment? Leave a comment and let me know - let's motivate one another!

Cricut!, Training, Motherhood, And more...Oh My!

CRICUT
I finally invested in a Cricut!! While not the most financially responsible decision, we're calling it my Christmas gift (and ironically, it will be used for Christmas gifts/cards for others!).

For those non-crafters who are not familiar with this machine (pronounced "cricket"), it is a die-cutting machine (shapes, letters, tags, etc.) that is a workroom staple for many crafters who work with paper, scrapbookers, etc. (http://www.cricut.com/) It is definitely an expensive investment but I'm hoping it will pay for itself over time (no more purchasing individual punches, cards, etc.).

(My Cricut!)

For those who are familiar with it, I'd love to know your stories! I'm just beginning to explore all the possibilities...from using it for basic shape/letter cut-outs to using the negative spaces for stencils, stamping, etc. A few of my recent projects:

(Letters using the Cricut, snow cutouts from a different punch. I won't be using this card because, in case you can't tell, I learned another lesson after creating it....don't leave drinks anywhere near the crafting area. Our son had gotten a bit excited and knocked over my diet coke - my fault for leaving it there. Fortunately it didn't spill near the machine!)

DRUMSTICK DASH
The energy from the 5K is still pulsing and we aren't about to let it die. Hubby and I signed up for our next event -- a 4.5 mile run/walk in Broad Ripple, IN on Thanksgiving morning! (a.k.a. The Drumstick Dash) In true testiment to how energy spreads, we also convinced my brother (who will be coming down from Chicago) AND my sister to join us! I am thrilled for us, for them, and excited at all we'll have to share when we are done.

(They are expecting over 8,000 participants in this. It should be quite an experience!!)

Because this "race" is only a couple of weeks away, we are once again bumping up our training. I found out this morning, though, that I may need to take it down a notch....

WHERE I'VE BEEN & WHAT I'VE LEARNED

I really need to keep better track of my progress! The past few days:

*(Mon a.m.): Swim laps & pool work for ~35 minutes

*(Tues a.m.): Bike through our neighborhood, pulling trailer w/Dilana, ~ 10 min. (More on this below)

*(Wed a.m.): Clear Creek trail, RAN (jogged) entire thing to end and back - 5 miles, 54:48 minutes. (Walked 4 times, each time for no more than 30 seconds)

WHAT I LEARNED:

* I am so psyched at the pool work from this week. I signed up for a newsletter for beginning swimmers (tri-swimmers in particular) that includes 5 drills. The first two, which I attempted this week, are focused on side-swimming and breathing - basically working on balance. While I didn't quite understand why, I really got it after trying a few free-style strokes when I was done with the drills. A lot of it comes down to the core (like yoga, running, sitting, and everything else in life!!) - if I can find balance from the middle, the arms, legs, head, (and thus side-breathing) all work better in coordination.

* In relation to the last lesson, I am finally finding my confidence in the pool! I'm sure much of it is from the confidence gained during the 5K, but I feel way more comfortable that I'll at least be able to make it in the water. Whether I swim free-style, breast-stroke, or simply doggy-paddle my way...I can do this.

All the small steps - as I learn to find my confidence in the pool, so will I (slowly, I'm sure) in the open water. I've also been reading quite a bit on triathlons and am encouraged by even seasoned veterans of the sport who express fear and/or concern over the swimming leg.

* Just have to share...I swam one length of the pool and ended up taking in a little water as I approached the wall. Instead of freaking out (as I always have in the past), I just doggy-paddled a bit, pushed off, and kept moving back the other direction. Words of wisdom: Just keep swimming.

* Biking. Whew. I've a ways to go. I can certainly ride my bike, easily on level ground, ok on hills. But on the hills in our neighborhood & while pulling the trailer with Dilana in it? Whoa.

I challenged myself to make it up certain hills and felt as though my chest were going to explode and my legs were just going to give out about halfway up many of them. That explains the 10 minutes...when I got back to the top of our street instead of continuing out of our neighborhood, I decided to call it lesson learned. I'm intrigued, though...it is a personal challenge now to tackle those hills. I think, though, that I'll start off not pulling the trailer.

* I am slowly learning how to use the gears on the bike....like when exactly to change gears. Our neighborhood, as I've mentioned before, is one hill after the other. It is tricky to maintain a constant awareness of what is coming up so I know exactly how - and when - to change gears. More to learn....

* 3.1 miles, 5 miles, heck, probably any distance - is SO much easier on level ground. Mrs. Obvious, I know, but it is worth repeating. Level ground is my friend. Hills are my teachers. I need both.

* I am EXHAUSTED. I think my mental strength has met or surpassed my physical strength. While that partially makes me happy, my mind is also writing checks my body can't cash.

Today on the run I didn't feel particularly physically exhausted and every mental challenge I encountered (eh, it's just a trial run - go ahead and walk! it's windy - no one would blame you if you wanted to walk! etc.) I was able to overcome and just keep going. But when I got home, my whole body was paying the price. I do have a very sore throat that I've been nursing all day...I don't know if it is a result of the run this morning or a coincidence that I happen to be getting ill, but even stretching and yoga is a challenge today.

What did I learn from this? I'm one tough chica and I love it. But I also need to learn to respect my limits, lest pushing them comes back to bite me in the butt. (Literally - even my butt hurts.)

MOTHERHOOD

One final note. Beyond crafting & active living, life continues. As I've quoted before, "One doesn't lift weights to be able to lift a heavier weight. One lifts weights to have the strength outside of the weight room".

Much of this active living is also for the purpose of finding balance - not just in the pool or on the road, but at home, in the groccery, during the not-so-active moments of life. And boy, did I need it today.

For whatever reason, our son has decided to act up the past few days. This evening, he got upset during a fight with his sister. After removing the cause (bubble wrap), I went into the kitchen to start dinner. Within a few minutes, I heard a snipping sound.
I hurried back into the living room to discover this:

(Tyler's Handiwork)

He had taken his scissors and was cutting up the pillow on our couch. (Only later did I discover that he had made at least a small cut in every single pillow.) (This couch is a pillow-back couch, so these pillows aren't just for decoration)

We are still in the process of determining how we are going to deal with this. For now, he is in his room with no toys. He doesn't seem to care...even helped us carry some out. It is a lesson in parenting that I've been thrown into and now must find the strength to face. (Beyond that, there's no way we can afford another couch right now, so a little sewing here and there and a very shabby-chic look is going to have to suffice!)

Lessons everywhere - and everywhere, opportunities to create with and through them.

5K? CHECK!

WE DID IT! 7 hours later and I'm still on a high. Chris & I have officially completed our first 5K. We were up around 5:15 a.m. this morning and started our race at 8:00 a.m.

We had run the course a couple of days before to familiarize ourselves with it and to determine an estimate time. This morning - we both COMPLETELY blew our previous times out of the water. Both of us improved our times by at least 2 minutes.

I finished at 33:04, Chris at 37:09. Out of 209 runners for the 5K (I was surprised by how many were out there!), I was 129th & Chris was 156th. I am totally psyched that for our first 5K ever we did, at least what I would consider, quite well. I can't believe I had an average of 10:38 mile time. Seriously, for swearing a year ago that I am NOT nor will I ever be a runner, I'm so happy with myself!

I owe a GREAT deal of thanks to my mom who spent the night with us last night, got the kids ready this morning, and still arrived in time to take photos of the start & finish of our race. (I also owe thanks to those who inspired me, those who, in addition to the others, provided advice, and EVERYONE who has cheered us on along the way (too many to name, but please know I hold each of you in my heart - thank you!!).

Ironically, even though we'd strived to have a good nights sleep last night, Dilana had decided otherwise. Generally she is a wonderful sleeper, but last night not only did she wake up twice but ended up sleeping in our bed. Go figure. It was a rough morning.

We'd also signed up Tyler for a .9 mile "fun run" that started at 9:10 a.m. I actually ran with him (parents of younger kids were encouraged to do so). He still doesn't understand the "pacing" aspect...he'd run all out then walk for a bit. We ended up holding hands for some of the run and let me tell you -- I haven't been so happy in such a long time. Each kid received a small trophy & certificate.

On top of it all, the Y held a raffle during the awards ceremony -- Chris won a t-shirt from the Running Company and I won a gift certificate to Pizza X (formerly Pizza Express for those IU folk). (Yeah, I admit it's kinda odd - we have one of the healthiest mornings of our lives and will celebrate using the certificate to have a horribly unhealthy evening.) :)

The entire race is kind of a blur but I still feel that lovely feeling - kind of like when you spin around in a circle. It was quite hilly (Ok, for a beginner - it was CRAZY HILLY!) and I am so glad that others around me were taking walking breaks as well. I did walk a few times, but never longer than a minute, and two of those were during the water breaks. (Tricky trying to sip a bit of water when you are running!)

I cannot describe the feeling of running through that finish gate while my mother, my two kids, and strangers cheered me on. I really am tearing up right now. Being there to celebrate Chris running through was icing on the cake. I am so proud of him, myself, and my son for what we accomplished today (and for my daughter & mother for supporting us along the way). I'm proud of my kids for cheering everyone on. I'm totally on cloud nine regardless of how achy my body might be.

If I can share any energy with this, please please let me pass some on to you. If I can do it, if Chris can do it, I promise anyone can. This feeling of self accomplishment is unbelievable - something everyone should experience at least once in their life. For us, the story will continue...we are both quite pumped about this and ready to find the next 5K (and eventually 10K) as we pursue our training for the triathlon.

Some yoga, some hot-tubbing, some wine...s'gonna be a good night. And tomorrow, I will wake up knowing what I have accomplished and everything that I still have yet to accomplish. That is my life. Wow, it's a good one. I'm so fortunate for all I have! Thank you for the role you play in that...ok, enough gushing. Here are some photos to tell the story in a way I can't with words. Enjoy....

(Early morning at the YMCA)

(It couldn't have been better weather. Around 50 degrees and sunny for the run - it is now up in the 70's)

(Me, before the race and totally anxious...and still a bit sleepy.)

(Chris and I before the race)

(It seemed to take forever to start. Here we are waiting for them to announce the start, totally high on adrenaline!)

(I'm totally gasping for breath and trying to finish strong but so happily overwhelmed at the cheering at the finish line...and seeing the time that I'm going to accomplish!)


(There is nothing in the world like this feeling. Chris just finished and we are both beaming for one another.)


(Our family of "runners"! Hopefully this is setting a precedent for years to come. I never would have thought this would be us but am GIDDY that it is.)

(My baby boy finishing his own race! (And my mom and Dilana cheering him on on the right side) I stopped running a few feet back so he could finish on his own...he did so well!!)

Creative Constipation

It ain't pretty.

I have all the stuff I'd need, bits of time here and there to get the job done, and a very strong desire to make it happen....but I just haven't done it!

I know I've heard about this before. This blockage. And I've definitely fallen prey to it - countless times.

But this time, I've felt the emptiness that a confined life creates. I feel the loneliness of my soul as it longs to fly free, to manipulate my fingers, to paint, to stamp, to type and share these countless thoughts the soul has manifested in my mind. And yet, I keep it under lock and key.

The "shoulds" creep back in. I "should" be creating for someone else. I am still running into that creative block when I sit down with all my lovely play things and wonder, "now what"? Sadly, I have a hard time creating just for myself - for the sake of exploration, for spiritual play.

Right now at least I have an excuse of sorts to create again. The holiday season is quickly approaching and I am determined to make all of my cards this year. So last night, the kids and I sat down at the dining room table. I pulled out countless materials - ribbons, glitter, cardstock, glue, scissors, stamps, crayons, markers - put on some music, and just played. I ended up finishing only one card before I had to start dinner. I left the materials out when we were done. This is what the table currently looks like:

This morning, I've done 2 more cards. And, as with anything else, I'm re-discovering that the first steps are almost always the hardest. The cards today took way less time than my over-thought card from yesterday. I'm just as happy with the latter as I am the former.

Relaxing, letting go. Being in the situation and the right mindset, being present, and letting the body and spirit take control. (The mind will pipe up frequently - you can listen, but use only the thoughts that tickle the spirit, honor the soul, and comfort the body.) They are lessons that can be applied in every situation. For my next creative venture....



I tighten up again just thinking about it. Tomorrow, we will run our 5K. We got out yesterday to try the course...I was so worked up about it that it ended up being a bit less threatening than I thought. But just a bit. It is truly a hilly nightmare, with the last 1/3 almost all uphill.



I'm thrilled, I'm nervous, I'm excited, ... it's all there. I'm concerned I won't be able to sleep tonight. Poor hubby has to work after the race. Fortunately, he begins a vacation after that so we plan to celebrate (as long as he can stay awake) on Saturday evening.



So, my lovely friends, let me take your hand as we take the next step together. Let's laugh with our fears, smile through the tears, and enjoy that blissful way of being when, no matter how stuck we may be or challenging the road ahead of us, we just know that we're on the soul's path. And it is delicious.


Deep breath, and let's get this party started....

Our First Event - a 5K!

I've been completely neglectful about updating on my working out/triathlon training schedule but never fear - I haven't stopped!

First and foremost: This weekend, hubby and I officially committed (i.e. dropped the moola for) our first ever "event" - a 5K to be held this upcoming Saturday (7th) in lovely Bloomington, IN! We both signed up for the run, but it is also a walk/run event so no pressures in case we stumble over ourselves. It is THRILLING to be thinking about this. Part of me now considers 3.1 miles to be minimal (already striving for that half marathon), but the other part of me recognizes that probably 3 months ago I would have NEVER thought I could complete such an event.

Needless to say, that has been quite a motivator. So, thankfully, has my hubby. He has remained more committed to this path than I ever thought possible and challenges me to do the same.

I can't remember all that I've done since I last recorded events, but here's an attempt (if only for my own record keeping!):

What I Did:

(Tues a.m.) 5 mile leisure bike ride (with a friend, trying out pulling a trailer with Dilana in it)
(Wed a.m.) 20 minutes swimming (forgot my socks so no running!)
(Thurs) (I forget!)
(Fri a.m.) 20 minutes swimming + 32 minutes running on treadmill
(Sat a.m.) 36 minutes running (my first full run for 3 miles! level ground)
(Sun a.m.) light bit of yoga and rest
(Mon a.m.) 30 minutes running (including 2 minutes walking - went on nasty hills through our neighborhood)

What I Learned:

* I could very easily fall in love with biking. Going out with my friend/neighbor was my first attempt riding the bike "just for fun". It was challenging learning how to pull the trailer but easier than I thought it would be! It was so fun to just ride without thinking of how fast I was going.

* When packing for the YMCA, remember socks. Very important.

* I have a long way to go in order to be prepared for the triathlon. It truly is encouraging to KNOW that I will make it there. The swimming / running combo (even with break in between to change) totally drained Chris and I for the day.

* I got totally discouraged on Wednesday after swimming. For the first time, the thought "maybe I can't do this" popped into my head. Seriously, I couldn't (and still can't) swim one full lap (one end of the pool to the next and then back again) freestyle. But when we went back on Friday, hubby and I just got right back in and tried again. I have bumped up my research on swimming techniques and plan to up my upper body strength training. I'm not sure where my weaknesses are and how to fix them, but I am determined to find out. I will get back into the pool again and again until I have this figured out. Then - open water.

It's like the song we sing with the kids when trying to clean up, "Step-by-step, piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit, we get the job done."

* I can totally run for 3.1 miles on level ground! Whoo hoo!

* I can totally not run for 3.1 miles on massive hills. I figured I'm at a pace of around 12-minutes / mile on level ground (not a great pace but at least I know where I'm starting...) and was aiming for that in our neighborhood. I had estimated my distance throughout the run, but decided to make my halfway mark at 16 minutes instead of 20. So I ran/walked for 32 minutes...and when calculating the mileage, found out I only did around 2.6 miles. Heck, I'm just proud I didn't toss my breakfast into someone's yard.

* This is becoming who I am. Only a few short months ago, I would swear up and down that I wasn't a runner. A triathlon??? Great for ya', but not my thing. One little decision to try - just try - and suddenly I'm complaining that I could only run for 2.6 miles.

Yesterday evening (Sunday), I had made up my mind that I was going to run before an 8:30 a.m. meeting with the principal at my son's school. (PTO stuff - not kid troubles, thankfully) Originally I was totally pumped to run to the school and have hubby pick me up after the meeting. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out a way where I wouldn't totally offend the principal with my I-just-ran Stink and how to carry the papers & deodorant I needed with me. But NO EXCUSES - I just got up at 6:30 and ran through the neighborhood. (We'd also planned to go to the YMCA for swimming after, but hubby volunteered to take care of the lawn...of which he did nearly 3 hours of using the leaf-blower today. Who am I to turn him down when he wants to do chores??)

I did it. I may not run the whole 5K this weekend if the hills are as massive as around here. I may not figure out the whole breathing / freestyle thing as quickly as I'd like. But I'm doing it, I am becoming the person who RUNS, BIKES, and (almost) swims. Together we are setting a great example for the kids.

Step-by-step, piece-by-piece, bit-by-bit, we'll get the job done.
Together.

Ways of Being

I have long believed that we are all everyone else. You are a mother, a father, a child. You are an artist, a triathlete, a CEO, a success. You are a murderer, a lier, a cheater, a failure. You are these things because the seed of being each of these lies within you, whether or not you have made decisions that fully brought you into these roles.

I am willing to admit that you may not actively be a murderer (ok, I really hope not) - but just try and overlook the potential vs. actual for a moment. Imagine with me that because you have the capability to be any of these things, you are. What does that do to your sense of self? (If you think that you couldn't possibly be a certain label, play a certain role, I challenge you to think of a situation in which you could. I bet you can think of at least one.)

Because we often get stuck in our worldviews (i.e. how we view our world, framing every decision we make, determining how we handle ourselves and others), trying on someone else's can be a deep learning experience. I'm sure you've heard the countless methods suggesting just being something to become it, just thinking something is so and it will be. There are truths behind these methods.

Why not take the fear out of it, though, and play? Play with being. You can be this way on your own, around others (make it a priority first to avoid harming, though)...for a minute or a day. Then just go back to being who you were. Notice how you felt being that way. Realize that during that time, you were that person. Take a minute to let it sink in that you can be that person again...or anyone else you choose. Pick a role. Play. Be aware. Be.

Be brave.

Be a goddess / god.

Be a CEO.

Be an artist.

Be lazy.

Be AWARE.

Be.